The Head Girl's 
"SLYTHERIN HEAD GIRL" (n f) - (1) WELL MEANING, slightly scatty girl, pretending to be a woman, pretending to be a girl (2) Living gregariously in a BIG, SCARY WORLD, (3) (v) To not APOLOGISE for anything read here in her blog, (4) (v) To NOT HIDE BEHIND LAYERS... (5) (v) To LIVE LIKE YOU WOULD LIVE FOREVER...(6) (v) To appear to be ATTENTION-SEEKING despite in fact being SHY (7) (adv) QUEEN OF THE BLOG AGE
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The ways things happened...
He said: "You are beautiful" She said: "So are you. I'm going to kiss you now" .............................. She said: "I'm leaving him. I'm leaving him for you." He said: "You are the most amazing woman I've ever met" .............................. She said: "I need my space, I can't do this right now, I know I'll end up hurting you because I'm not mended yet..." He said: "But I love you. I can't bear to be without you..." She said: "Ok then..." ............................... She said: "I really can't do this, I really do need my space, I really do know I'll end up hurting you, because I'm not mended yet..." He said: "But I love you. I can't bear to be without you..." She said: "Mais je t'aime tellement, mon couer est en train de briser, je ne sais pas quoi faire, mais je t'aime..." .............................. He said: "I love you, but I don't know if I'm still in love with you..." She said: "Ok then, lets go on a break..." (and inside the only thing taking a break was her heart...loudly, and messily, and with such turbulance...and she didn't know what she had, until he was gone...) .............................. He said: "I love you" She said: "I don't believe you" .............................. He said: "I really do love you" She said, without saying a word: "I still don't believe you" ............................... He said: "I'm scared that you might be the one..." She said, again without saying a word: "I think you might be too..." ................................ He said: "I really love you...who did you kiss while we were on a break?" She said: "I love you too...but lets talk about this in the morning..." ................................. He said: "I still love you, baby..." She pretended she couldn't hear. .................................. He said: "I can't deal with this anymore..." She said: "........................."
She cried. A lot. He cried too. They both needed space. She's sorry. So, utterly, unbearably, unutterably, soul-consumingly sorry. She misses him. She's living, she's alive, but she misses him. She finally got her space to mend herself. It's just that it is mighty lonely, surrounded by all this emptiness...and she realised that she needed him for all the right reasons, not the validating, self-gratifying ones...because he saw her for what she was, really, and that's what scared/intrigued her the most. |
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MySpace - or yours?
I'm pretty sure the internet is evil. I think I'm addicted to it, but I loathe it as much as I love it, to be honest. I can waste hours online, just STARING at things on the screen, reading and re-reading emails, looking at pictures...and MySpace. Oh. My. God. It's like Friends Reunited on acid, or something. Everybody and his little sister, uncle and cat has a MySpace page. Ok, even I do - here. But it scares me a little. The way that people get in touch with you through it, either complete strangers or people you met once, or old school-chums. It also fascinates me, in a sick, twisted way...I don't like it, but I can't stop going there...it's car-crash self-elevation and validation/rejection at its very best. It's also potentially very dangerous too, emotionally, as you can link to friends of friends of friends, and see/read things that you would probably rather not...I'm drawn to it, and revolted by it at the same time. Hmm. Well, I'm dying my hair tonight and trying to rid myself of mad energy again, and then heading off out with housemates to celebrate The Shiny New Housemate Karen's Handing In Of Dissertation And Finishing MA! Woo! |
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The root of all evil...
Those sausages were bad. Really bad. I got on my exercise bike, rode madly for 10 minutes along to the Dresden Dolls, got off and ran off downstairs to vomit. GROSS. |
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Sausages...
I hate my computer. It just decided to delete the HUGE entry I had just written. All about feeling good and chilled and then eating sausages and now feeling pent-up and nervous. Trust me, it made a lot more sense the first time round. Bugger. |
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Some Suburban Sickness...
I am the poster girl for that suburban sickness... Possible side-effects from my little green pills: "Fluoxetine as with most antidepressants can cause nausea, headaches, anxiety, insomnia, drowsiness, and loss of appetite. Fluoxetine has been implicated in serious skin rashes and vasculitis. Increased blood pressure can occur and should be monitored. Seizures have been reported. Life-threatening interactions can occur in combination with MAO inhibitors, such as nardil and parnate. MAO inhibitors and fluoxetine should not be taken together and a waiting period of 14 days between taking these two classes of medications is strongly advised." Also - "Body as a Whole ¾ Frequent: chest pain, chills; Infrequent: chills and fever, face edema, intentional overdose, malaise, pelvic pain, suicide attempt; Rare: acute abdominal syndrome, hypothermia, intentional injury, neuroleptic malignant syndrome1, photosensitivity reaction. Cardiovascular System ¾ Frequent: hemorrhage, hypertension, palpitation; Infrequent: angina pectoris, arrhythmia, congestive heart failure, hypotension, migraine, myocardial infarct, postural hypotension, syncope, tachycardia, vascular headache; Rare: atrial fibrillation, bradycardia, cerebral embolism, cerebral ischemia, cerebrovascular accident, extrasystoles, heart arrest, heart block, pallor, peripheral vascular disorder, phlebitis, shock, thrombophlebitis, thrombosis, vasospasm, ventricular arrhythmia, ventricular extrasystoles, ventricular fibrillation. Digestive System ¾ Frequent: increased appetite, nausea and vomiting; Infrequent: aphthous stomatitis, cholelithiasis, colitis, dysphagia, eructation, esophagitis, gastritis, gastroenteritis, glossitis, gum hemorrhage, hyperchlorhydria, increased salivation, liver function tests abnormal, melena, mouth ulceration, nausea/vomiting/diarrhea, stomach ulcer, stomatitis, thirst; Rare: biliary pain, bloody diarrhea, cholecystitis, duodenal ulcer, enteritis, esophageal ulcer, fecal incontinence, gastrointestinal hemorrhage, hematemesis, hemorrhage of colon, hepatitis, intestinal obstruction, liver fatty deposit, pancreatitis, peptic ulcer, rectal hemorrhage, salivary gland enlargement, stomach ulcer hemorrhage, tongue edema. Endocrine System ¾ Infrequent: hypothyroidism; Rare: diabetic acidosis, diabetes mellitus. Hemic and Lymphatic System ¾ Infrequent: anemia, ecchymosis; Rare: blood dyscrasia, hypochromic anemia, leukopenia, lymphedema, lymphocytosis, petechia, purpura, thrombocythemia, thrombocytopenia. Metabolic and Nutritional ¾ Frequent: weight gain; Infrequent: dehydration, generalized edema, gout, hypercholesteremia, hyperlipemia, hypokalemia, peripheral edema; Rare: alcohol intolerance, alkaline phosphatase increased, BUN increased, creatine phosphokinase increased, hyperkalemia, hyperuricemia, hypocalcemia, iron deficiency anemia, SGPT increased. Musculoskeletal System ¾ Infrequent: arthritis, bone pain, bursitis, leg cramps, tenosynovitis; Rare: arthrosis, chondrodystrophy, myasthenia, myopathy, myositis, osteomyelitis, osteoporosis, rheumatoid arthritis. Nervous System ¾ Frequent: agitation, amnesia, confusion, emotional lability, sleep disorder; Infrequent: abnormal gait, acute brain syndrome, akathisia, apathy, ataxia, buccoglossal syndrome, CNS depression, CNS stimulation, depersonalization, euphoria, hallucinations, hostility, hyperkinesia, hypertonia, hypesthesia, incoordination, libido increased, myoclonus, neuralgia, neuropathy, neurosis, paranoid reaction, personality disorder2 , psychosis, vertigo; Rare: abnormal electroencephalogram, antisocial reaction, circumoral paresthesia, coma, delusions, dysarthria, dystonia, extrapyramidal syndrome, foot drop, hyperesthesia, neuritis, paralysis, reflexes decreased, reflexes increased, stupor. Respiratory System ¾ Infrequent: asthma, epistaxis, hiccup, hyperventilation; Rare: apnea, atelectasis, cough decreased, emphysema, hemoptysis, hypoventilation, hypoxia, larynx edema, lung edema, pneumothorax, stridor. Skin and Appendages ¾ Infrequent: acne, alopecia, contact dermatitis, eczema, maculopapular rash, skin discoloration, skin ulcer, vesiculobullous rash; Rare: furunculosis, herpes zoster, hirsutism, petechial rash, psoriasis, purpuric rash, pustular rash, seborrhea. Special Senses ¾ Frequent: ear pain, taste perversion, tinnitus; Infrequent: conjunctivitis, dry eyes, mydriasis, photophobia; Rare: blepharitis, deafness, diplopia, exophthalmos, eye hemorrhage, glaucoma, hyperacusis, iritis, parosmia, scleritis, strabismus, taste loss, visual field defect. Urogenital System ¾ Frequent: urinary frequency; Infrequent: abortion 3 , albuminuria, amenorrhea 3 , anorgasmia, breast enlargement, breast pain, cystitis, dysuria, female lactation 3 , fibrocystic breast 3 , hematuria, leukorrhea 3 , menorrhagia 3 , metrorrhagia 3 , nocturia, polyuria, urinary incontinence, urinary retention, urinary urgency, vaginal hemorrhage 3 ; Rare: breast engorgement, glycosuria, hypomenorrhea 3 , kidney pain, oliguria, priapism 3 , uterine hemorrhage 3 , uterine fibroids enlarged 3 . 1 Neuroleptic malignant syndrome is the COSTART term which best captures serotonin syndrome. 2 Personality disorder is the COSTART term for designating nonaggressive objectionable behavior. 3 Adjusted for gender. " Well goodness me. A special prize to anyone who actually reads all of that I'll keep a close eye on the proceedings, but so far all I've had is queasy tummy, complete loss of appetite (122lbs here I come...), headache, dizzyness, and a few moments of "WTF?! AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!" So I seem to be doing well, all things considered. In other news, I still have no eyebrows |
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